Corona Mum

Is it just me?

Covid-19 has turned me, myself and who I am upside down. I have never been the ultimate career woman, I have spent many years being not much more than a mum which I do love, and is my priority but in recent years after many years of being defined as a mum I had started to break free of this title.

I had slowly forged a route that combined being an at home mum, but also working.

I sit here typing as I listen to my younger school aged children watching a film, I feel guilty I am not home schooling them as I know I perhaps should, I hear my husband at work upstairs in his newly created spare room office, dealing with all his important stuff whilst I listen to the laughter that I know at any time could turn to tears which I will rush to sort as I don’t want my husband to think I am not doing my newly created and not applied for job!

I now have to be the ultimate mother, wife and teacher. I feed and I entertain. I feel I have been thrown back into a life I made a path way out of.

If he comes down at the sound of unrest I feel bad, not his doing, he is happy to help and never complains, it is my inbuilt guilt and feelings of failure.

At this point I have to say my kids are great, I have had a fab time with them over the last few weeks, I love being a mum more than anything, but I need to be a worker too, I need to feel inspired and of intellectual worth.

It’s not even that I haven’t had a chance to do my own thing in the last few weeks, it’s that I feel I define myself differently and possibly others define me differently also.

I could go out and meet friends now, but something keeps me here, I haven’t had many invitations to be honest, are people busy working? Or meeting others? Or too afraid to meet? I'm not sure really, and if I was asked, could I be bothered to go?

The isolation of being a housewife and mother strikes me, how woman have felt for years, how many women feel like me? Our jobs are more likely to have been affected by this situation, we are more likely to be looking after children now. My job probably seemed trivial to many, I wasn’t raking it in but it gives me a feeling of self worth that being a mother doesn’t. I hear you all shout that being a mother should, I know this, and I pride myself on being the best mum I can, I am incredibly proud of my children, but somehow I don’t see this as a reflection of my parenting but more of the amazing people they are.

Let us know if you have had similar experiences.